He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
