What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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