hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
even my farts smell like vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
