What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
