I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
