So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
