we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
