i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize