why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
