who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
