"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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