So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
