isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
