guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
