she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
