we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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