So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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