Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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