The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
