you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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