i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
