And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
