Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
