Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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