good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
