He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize