do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
