Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
