why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
