To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
