70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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