I haven't been this sober since birth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
