I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
