The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
