she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize