I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do vagina's smell?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
