i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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