yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize