Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
