His pubic hair was longer than his dick
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
