I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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