Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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