i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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