i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
