this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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