So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
God, I missed his penis.
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