Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
