Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
