I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
NoShamevember. You game?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
