Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize