So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
