I think my vagina is haunted
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
