hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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