hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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