Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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