And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
