i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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