Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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