Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
