He asked to "fluff my boner.."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
