wakey wakey hands off snakey
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
