The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
