oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
